Well, I had a melt down tonight, and I am feeling really guilty for it. I think that Matt was prepared for it a little, but I wasn't kind to Peyton in particular. He's been very argumentative lately, and constantly picking on Zion. He also hasn't been very respectful to Matt. I know Matt loves me, and I know he loves my boys, but deep down sometimes I fear that all the responsibility that being with me brings will scare him off. Anytime I mention that Matt gets upset and hurt that I even think it, but sometimes I just can't help it.
Tonight was one of those nights. I have been working on homework for 7 hours straight and I still have more to do. The financial stress of the wedding is getting to me. I work part-time, Matt's in the military, we have VERY modest incomes and these wedding bills are already freaking me out. Between the work, the boys, their football schedule, school and the wedding (and not to mention the 10 loads of laundry I've been working on the past 2 days), I just hit a boiling point.
I try really hard not to yell, but I raised my voice, pretty much at all three of them. I apologized, numerous times, but now I am just embarrassed over my behavior, such a poor example to my sons. I need to figure out how to keep it all together these next 5 weeks particularly. My fiance and my children don't deserve for me to loose my patience on them.
Well, back to the homework, tomorrow is another day.
3 comments:
Jessica, sometimes we women need that release. That doesnt make it right, and we are responsible for our actions, but you obviously needed that release. I am praying for you...you are a very busy woman trying to do all that stuff. Remember to take it a day at a time, and to take time for yourself. Work will still be there after you're done and feel rested.
Hang in there, Jessica! I know you know, but it doesn't hurt to remind... make sure you're giving all that stress to God. I know someone who was recently SO stressed about wedding stuff that she cracked 12(!) teeth because she was grinding them at night!
Love you and I'm praying for you... you'll make it through. :) You're a fighter AND you know the One who can help you survive.
*HUG*
Thank you Caren and Ruth for your encouragement. I appreciate it greatly. :) Definitely don't want any cracked teeth here. :) Hugs to you both.
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